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Sunday, August 10th, 2003
3:18 pm - yay...kfc here i come
well today is August 10th and i'm really bored but i have to leave for work in about 5 minutes...yay for kfc on the vestal parkway, i hate being a kfc worker oh well.....gary in the house! hahah uhhhhhhhh i really don't know what to write i'm listening to the mad caddies right now...woooohooo for the mad caddies!!!! lol

if you want some good mad caddies songs here's some.....

Drinking for 11
Mary Melody
No Sex

those are some great songs

uhhh my day has been going kind of crappy i need some cheering up but i don't know if it's possible for this day to be brighter

i'm out like a fat kid in dodge ball


current mood: aggravated

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Thursday, July 17th, 2003
9:21 am - goood time...................
The Chance Theater in poughkeepsie New York

Fri - 22 Sevendust w/ Element Eight Doors open 7:30 $22.50
Sun - 24 Dropkick Murphys Doors open 6:00pm $15
Sat - 30 Rusted Root w/ Spookie Daly Pride $22.50

it's gonna be a good 2 weeks when i go see my mom in august

current mood: excited

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Thursday, July 18th, 2002
4:39 am - Alone....
yeah you got it i'm lonely...and all the feelings i ever had left for that girl are gone....i'm moving on...almost 2 years i gave her my life....EVERYTHING....you know what thoguh....i'm walkiong....even though we are not together anyway...but still! lol anyway 2 days ago i saw a kick ass concert in Scranton PA..........PHIL LESH!!!! He is the most amazingest bass player plus he was in the greatful dead....hippies everywhere....SO MUCH FUN!!!! everyone was smoking up...i wasn't though....i'm done doing that shit it's pointless plus a large money consumer, i stopped for 2 years than started again now im stopping again.....anyway i'm off to be bored......


current mood: apathetic

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Sunday, June 16th, 2002
1:32 am - Sir Drink A Lot
Too much Alcohol Saturday night...my night consisted of........a 6 pack of Bud, 4 jello shots but melissa filled them with way to much so they turned out to be jello cups, 3 shots of absolute, 1/2 bottle of pepperment shnops, 1/2 bottle strawberry shnops, 3/4 bottle of pucker.....that is the best shit ever...Mell if you read this...i had it and i liked it a lot that i drank almost all of it.....one of those huge big bottles too.....Watermelon...heeheehee, 8 wine coolers, a couple of kalooa body shots, 3 bicardi silvers, 2 OJ's and vodkas, 4 Rick's spiked margaritas, and when we were watching mallrats we decided to do more body shots....this time with the rest of the jello

i drank a lot and i didn't puke =( it sucked when i went to work at 11 because i didn't get home from work until 8 and im really really tired


current mood: indescribable

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Sunday, June 9th, 2002
1:30 am

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1:25 am


I act like I'm 23.
This test was brought to you by Melissa - No, really.... Take it here.

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Monday, May 20th, 2002
7:48 pm - It's easier to run away from your problem than to actually stand up to them
Okay so i just took a piss just now and i started thinking about life and how you can basically make a simile or metaphore for life out of anything...take this for example......okay Life is like taking a piss in a way. It's like some pisses are long some are short and YOU CAN MAKE YOURSELF STOP pissing just like you can make yourself stop living and what not...it's actually quite interesting....like my friend was like "what are you thinking about right this second!" and i was like this bottle of mountain dew she looked at me like i was on drugs but i was like "no seriously, you know how you drink all the mountain dew and like the stuff on the bottom is left and you try and try and try to get it out but can never do it and you strive for it" and she said ummm yeah i do it all the time and i said "well that little bit of Mountain Dew is like life in a way some people are shy and don't like to speak and it could also stand for emotions and how some people it's harder for them to get them out and how it sucks so much becuz you yearn for the last sip or in this case "the person to say it" but they never do it never comes out"......i know i seem fucked up but hey oh well

Goodbye cruel world,


current mood: restless

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Sunday, May 19th, 2002
10:40 pm - Lable This Lable That, who's afraid of the big bad LABLE
okay, i hate lables. i honestly really do, i can't stand them, so what i wear white shirt that i drew "NOFX" on it with a fucking black perminit marker why does that lable me "punk" or lable me "poor" jesus christ i mean seriously....no one can say they have never labled anyone because we all contradict ourselves......one second someone could say "oh well i hate lables" the next second the same person could say "i hate fucking jocks!" i'm telling everyone lables are retarded......and i have used lables once of twice i'm not going to fucking lie to anyone because i'm not about lying if i don't like somethign or what not my opinion is going to be heard no matter what, and ifpeople don't agree with me than cool let them voice there own opinion but they don't have to trash mine, why? that's all i have to ask..i can tell you fucking why for the most part, because people are so hateful and fucking mean now a days with this "oh well there's an arab person he's a terrorist" or like "hey look a nigger walking into walmart i bet he's going to steal something" see that shit is fucking fucked up and people shouldn't be mean to others just because, i really wish life was like fucking the show Green Acres or some shit, i'm sorry about the ranting and raving but it makes me Depressed because i'll tell you thins right now....i love talking to anyone i don't care who the hell you are, i'll talk to you, if it;s about sports (i don't no much about them) or it's about anything racial issues world issues hell if i don't know much about it you can atleast give someone incite so maybe they could actually forem an opinion and hell if the person is really interested than shit maybe they'll go look it up on the internet or something....okay i'm sorry, i haven't written in a while before thie entry and before the last one so i have a lot of thoughts and feeling that need to be shed thank you all for listening to me bitch i love you all, not really =( but i wish i knew some kind souls out there who i can actually talk to about cutting and psychiatric wards and meications and shit, DEPRESSION has been controling me for way too long and i'm trying to steal my life back from it, since i was 9 years old, can you believe it? 9 years old i started being depressed. God bless my grand mothers soul =( she died i got depressed long ass story i'll write about it next entry

Goodnight world, maybe i'll be over the stars by tomorrow mourning =*\


current mood: numb

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10:10 pm - Poem....by the way i wrote this and it is Copy Writed
Fuckin A

One more time
I cut my arm into pieces
Last time i think about it
I can't stand the feeling
Of failure
I passed than failed
My motivation goes down
My problems are inconsistant
I feel selfish
Always writing about me
Problem that occurr in my life
How the fuck as this happened?
Why the fuck is it all about me
When it shouldn't really be about anybody
Anybody but her!
It's all about her
Oh well
Leave this miserable dome of DOOM
Let us sit down and find the center of the problems
We've got the might
Lets not lose the fight!
It's hard to maintain
The constant humanity it takes
Not to just break down and die
Kill every emotion and shut it down
Fucking put the nail in the coffin and burry it down
That way you can hear no sound
None of this horrific content
Said by those who don't care any longer

current mood: blank

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Saturday, May 18th, 2002
10:17 am - This Is Where You Look At Gary, But Through A Deeper Perspective Of Him
Listen, i need to be hugged right about now. I need someone to seriously just squeeze me to death so i can let all my tears out, because i can't stand crying anymore, i'm not going to do it, it's not me, it's not who i am, i need a shoulder or i need to burry my face into a pillow, but i don't want a pillow becuz it already is filled with tears of mine, i need to tell someone i'm not fine and i need to get away from everyone and everything, i'm only 17 i shouldn't feel this stupid way i am, i shouldn't be cutting the fuck out of my limbs and my chest, i shouldn't be living like i am, i should be happy with who i am, but guess what i'm fucking not happy with anything in my life, i'm not happy one single friggen bit....i'm counting down the months until i'm 18, 11 and 1/2 left.....i have no life, but when those months are up i will, i'm living it how i want, fuck everyone else, fuck me =*( i hate it, i hate everyone and myself, i shouldn't though, i need a hug, i need to feel free, but this is america we are free...i wanna be stranded on an island with one person, i don't care who it is, i just wanna be stranded on an island with someone someone that i can talk to and get a long with someone that is willing to be a friend and help me through my "stuff" i need something right now i just i don't know what it might be, cutting doesn't seem to be helping me anyway, but yet i've been doing it since i was 12, why? emotional stress? stress in general? fuck i seriously hate this where did life go wrong? why am i treating myself like this.....i think my band hates me, but they are the 2 closest people to me, but i still think they hate me, i'm sorry that you can't feel the pain that i am feeling as i type this but i know others feel depressed and i know others feel pain like mine but everyones pain is caused for different reasons and to quote a great comic book writer from the 7th issue of Johnny the homicidal maniac "thtere's nothing terribly wrong with feeling lost, so long as that feeling precedes some plan on your part to actually so something about it. Too often a person grows complacent with their disillusionment, perpetually wearing their "discomfort" like a favorite shirt, i can't say i'm very pleased with where my life is just now...but i can't help but look forward to where it's going."

thank you so very very much


current mood: blah

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Monday, March 18th, 2002
5:57 pm

If i was a serial killer i would be Jeffrey Dahmer.

The psycho killer of the 90's, Jeffery dahmer abducted, drugged, sodomized, tortured, murdered and devoured his young male victims one at a time. After receiving calls of a rancid stench emanating from dahmers apartment, investigators found the decomposing remains of over 12 young men.

Dahmer would drug his victims, then proceed to drill a hole in their head, inserting acid into the brain, keeping the body alive but killing all other functions. he called them his "sex zombies". After the body would die, he would then proceed to mutilate and pose the body, taking pictures, and cooking and eating what was left over.

Kill count: 12-13

Find what serial killer you would be, Take the Serial Killer Quiz now!

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5:50 pm - my band
Hey check out my band's site at www.angelfire.com/punk3/livingalie THANKS!!!!! L@ER -Ry- could you possibly push the "pass it on gear button underneath the guestbook and pass my site on to all of your kool friends thanks again!

current mood: amused

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Saturday, March 16th, 2002
10:24 pm - GIVING UP
Giving up

This is the last line you'll hear from me
I'm giving up on everything (i use to know)
When my dreams come crashing down
I lift my chin up high and say....

Hey mister are you ever gonna criticize me?
Hey misses will you ever think more of me?
To all my peers that hate us will you ever be one of us
To try to live a dream is nothing more but abstanence to me

This is the last line you'll hear from me
I'm giving up on everything (i use to know)
When my dreams come crashing down
I lift my chin up high and say....

Please don't lash out and harass my desicions
I beg just deal and let me keep my piece
Just let me be in all my discriminey
Let me leave with my chin up
and my thoughts straight
let me be and go quietly
~Living A Lie~ By: Gary Blaise

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Thursday, March 7th, 2002
10:39 pm - New Reasons.....
To Live

Here they are my new reasons to die
no life no meaning no loveat all
it's all gone down the drain like some bad dream
year and more than a half gone to you
thank you
thanks for fucking me over
thank you for making me hurt again
i told you
you proved everything i have ever said
that i'm meaningless and i will never amount to nothing
a nothingness with no love
no anything anymore
i've lost all touch
and i will never look at anything in a different way
it'll just be depression all over again
with someone new
someone not you
no one new the only one i want is you
and i'm tired now of excuses
and i'm growing old of bullshit
because these are my reasons
these are MINE and no one elses
now as i sit here and cry with all my feelings built inside
i start to think why
why are you doing this to me
why do you have to now hate me
why Ms. Melody
why must this constant pain be felt without a remedy
i will be an insomniac and never take a nap
i will stop eating becasue it's you that i lack
all emotions are dead
so now i am thanking you
for proving my point
on girls and how i'm nothing to no one
and nothing to everyone

P.S.-----Thank you sad bob aw

current mood: crushed

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Monday, February 25th, 2002
4:21 pm - The Innocent Die
"Will any of this ever be the same?" ~Goldfinger, Good Charlotte, Mest"

anyway i'm bored and i don't wanna go to work :-(
Work blows some harsh harsh ummm "THINGS"


I went to my mother's this past weekend and me and my friends finally recorded a CD it was so amazing.

When i go back down we're making another one

L@ER Gary

current mood: artistic

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4:11 pm - NICK BURNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOHOOOOO

I'm Nick Burns!

Take the Jimmy Fallon recurring SNL character quiz here.

created by stomps.

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Thursday, December 27th, 2001
12:19 am - Use Me, eh?.............Me and Melly
fuck this im tired of being use in people's fucking game of sharades i think fo myself and im tired of you using me and hopefully you know who the hell you are just becasue you want to get back at your EX friend doesn't mean you have to use me to make her mad......so thanks for nothing.....it seems to me that im just being play-ed for a god forsaken fool

'm finally going to see Melody in April..WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO anyway i love her alot she is a huge part of me and i can't deal anymore i need a giant melly hug!

"if our freedom is our knowledge than let us all be independant slaves of somethign that controls us all" ~Me~

current mood: awake

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Wednesday, December 26th, 2001
1:34 am - December and All my memories down the drain again
if i had a dime for every tim i hve felt bad on Christmas i would be a fucking billionare.......you know i don't mind getting hardly anything for X-mas anymore becasue it's like it's all about my nephews now you know? i spent a lot of money on them this year i would have to say over 400 on them but it was well worth it to see the shock o there face opening there stuff i love those damn kids so much okay okay it's me and Melody's 2nd christmas "together" but not i sarted to cry last night for many many hours hugging my blanket and saying to myself i'll see her eventually "iiiiii cry when angels deserve to diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie" ~System Of A Down~ i dunno im feeling sicker than before......im growing tired of everything that i have except for a few meaningful people such as Melody and my mom and my nephews and sister.....bye

current mood: sick

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Saturday, December 8th, 2001
12:22 pm - cold
i am cold
see me freez
i am cold
watch his fingers turn purple and blue
i am cold
watch his tongue stick to the light poll
for i am cold and you can not defeat me
i am cold
i conquer over the heat
i am cold
no one can deal with me
i am cold
i wil give you hypothermia
than you will die
and i have won again
i am cold
and i will bring you down
i am cold
but now i am over
so here is your spring
By: Me

current mood: cold

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Thursday, November 22nd, 2001
11:36 am - Animal Oral? and Thanksgiving?

that is someting to think about though
and and and i dunno im a dork that's all
i miss melody
i want to talk to here
but noooooooooooooooooooo she went to her parents house for Thanksgiving.....gurrrrrr how i hate the holidays....i never get to talk to her for like 3-4 days and it sucks

well my mom finally decided to go Grocery shopping THIS MOURNING so it looks like we're eating late lol not like i care anyway im gonna be cooking and it's all good in the hood

well i'm off like a prom dress


current mood: relaxed

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